Monday, 18 June 2018

Motherhood & Guilt

Right now my children are on YouTube. I've just emptied the dishwasher, took the rubbish out and whipped the hover round.

Now I could go upstairs and see them both or I could have a cup of tea and faff on my phone.

You guessed it I'm on phone.

Shit bad mother alert!

Guilt. It's always there. I've always been a working mother and therefore time is always split.

In my previous job I felt like a crap employee and a crap mother. Neither had my full attention. Neither was fulfilled properly. I was always rushing, always on a timetable.

Guilty if they were ill and I needed a day off work. Juggling and judging will a tiny bit of Calpol see us through the day.Winging it and breathing a sigh of relief when it was home time and everyone was ok.

Missed sports days. Missed celebration assemblies. Missed promotions & associated pay rises.

My children are getting older 7 and 11 and I'm in a new job. I still feel guilty but it's relented a little.  At work I leave 30 minutes before the normal team members (I start early instead) to pick my children up from school which makes me feel guilty that I'm not a team player but that's my only employment niggle so far.  I still have the missed assembly and sports day problems but we've all got used to it.  The kids don't mind its expected and I'm not the only one that doesn't turn up.  

I constantly have to remind myself my children are happy and healthy. Maybe too much YouTube here and there but we are doing ok.

Maybe guilt is a female thing. Maybe it's just whoever does the lions share of the school runs thing. Maybe its just a primary school age thing. Maybe its just a me thing.  Maybe this is a random ramble thing. But to end although I don't always think it of myself here's my positive message to you.  We are all doing a great job!

Winging it


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